‘I apologised, but she continues to be resentful’

My partner and I recently had an argument. I felt awful about it soon after and apologised to her, but her body language towards me continues to be resentful. She says it’s okay, but makes me look desperate all the time. How do I stop this? — Wilson W

I’m not sure what you mean by looking desperate. Does this mean she makes you feel as if you need her approval all the time? A lot of this has to do with how your relationship evolves over time. If it’s a new relationship, it will take you both a certain amount of time to understand each other. If it’s a fairly established one, you really ought to be able to sit her down and have a chat about how her body language is making you feel. Maybe it’s not her intention at all, but you won’t know until you try to find out. If she understands how you feel, and recognises the fact that she can do something to make things easier, I’m sure she will, because I’m assuming you would do the same. Give it time or open up to her. That should do it.

There are times when I feel as if getting into a relationship with my boyfriend was a bad idea. We used to have a good time together, but he is increasingly withdrawn and can’t be bothered to chat with me for more than a few minutes. I have asked him if there is a problem, but he won’t even admit to one, even though it’s obvious. I don’t know what to do.

If there really is a problem, and he refuses to acknowledge it, I suggest you give him an ultimatum. A relationship is about two adults working together to make things work. If he respects you enough to work on this, maybe you can help. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, things can only get worse. He needs to understand how serious you are about this.

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