‘She checks my phone, but won’t let me see hers’

Monday

My girlfriend checks my messages on WhatsApp. She doesn’t like me using passwords because she thinks I shouldn’t keep any secrets from her. I don’t really have any secrets, but I find it strange that she thinks it’s perfectly okay to go through my stuff just because we are in a relationship. I don’t know what to say to her without offending her. What makes me extremely angry is the fact that she always refuses to show me her phone whenever I ask. I’m not interested in going through her stuff, but she says girls are entitled to their secrets, which is just hypocritical. This is becoming a problem for me, even though I know it’s a minor issue. We have no problems, but I don’t want something so trivial to end up making it hard for us. Am I overreacting?
You’re not overreacting. It is hypocritical to assume your secrets are not worth keeping, while hers are. This isn’t just about WhatsApp either, because your right to privacy stays irrespective of whether you are or aren’t in a relationship. You should draw these boundaries at the start, to prevent something that seems trivial right now from turning into a major issue at some point in the future of your relationship. If you don’t want someone to read your messages, that’s how it ought to be. If not, the rules should be the same for you both.

Is it right to end a relationship just after you have had sex with the person? I’m thinking of telling my girlfriend that it’s over, but I can’t think of a good time. She may be in a better mood after sex. What should I do?
It is perfectly okay, if you’re a disgraceful human being. If you’re fairly decent though, it should be before, so your girlfriend can then decide if she still wants to have sex with you or show you the door. Put yourself in her shoes for a while, even if it’s difficult.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com

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