Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and recently found out that he has been dating someone else for over eight months. This has hurt me a lot, because it feels as if our whole relationship was a lie from the start. He says he didn’t mean to hurt me, but how can anyone have two relationships and keep each one secret from the other? He has not only hurt me, he has hurt that other girl, too, because I doubt she knows of my existence. This is very hard for me to deal with, because I thought we had something very special. I don’t know what to do. He keeps asking for forgiveness, says he has ended that relationship and wants me to take him back. I’m tempted to, because we were so good together, but I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. What should I do?
If he has been lying to you for eight months, I’m not sure how you can accept his apology in good faith and expect him to change. If this is someone who has had no problems lying to two people for a prolonged period of time, it means he neither values nor respects either one of them. You have to base your decision on how much you trust him, and it doesn’t seem as if his relationship with you is based on that particular trait at all. You may have had a good time together, but don’t do yourself a disservice by allowing that to cloud your judgement. Base your next move on whether or not you want to be with someone who respects you.
How can I convince my boyfriend to stop being affectionate in public? I’m just not comfortable with it.
You are both adults, and should be capable of drawing boundaries that are mutually respected. This isn’t about convincing him; it’s about informing him that he needs to stop doing something you’re not comfortable with.
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